Depression

de·pres·sion
n.

1. 1. The act of depressing.
   2. The condition of being depressed.
2. An area that is sunk below its surroundings; a hollow.
3. The condition of feeling sad or despondent.
4. Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression.
5. 1. A reduction in activity or force.
   2. A reduction in physiological vigor or activity: a depression in respiration.
   3. A lowering in amount, degree, or position.

I think this is why I have been tired lately. I have been sleeping way too much and still feeling tired. I have been eating a lot though that is kinda weird. I don't want to do much and I want to be around Amatsu for confort. It's not like I never want to be around him but I've always tried to not make him feel 'smothered'. I don't want to over do it and make him want me to go away so I give him space....

I am a bit depressed today. First off the death of Todd....this is not something I am looking forward to tomorow. His funeral is tomorrow at 1pm.

Earlier today I got a phone call as I'm trying to walk in to work about my dad's motorcycle. My mom says a guy from her, Kindom Hall or what ever it's called (That is her version of church), is trying to move the bike. He can't get it into neutral. Now grant this is a 1980 Yamaha Midnight special motorcycle all bikes for the most part are the same. I told her to have him to try and put it in neutral again but rck the bike when he tries. Then I told him to puch the clutch in the just roll it. He couldn't get it moving. I told her unless the brakes and calipers are stuck or something like that it shoudl move. I hoped he knew what he was doing.

I get in to work and email her. She says he got the bike moving, put it on a u haul and drove it away. The brakes were ceased some how together. She cried when it drove away.

I said thanks for letting me know that you were selling it....
I about cried here at my desk myself.
She told the guy that she wants to see it when it gets all fixed up and drives again. Apparently he lives about 2 miles from her.

Then last night I was watching Hellsing with Amatsu and an episode of Sir Integra and her father. It explains about how she became in charge and how Alucard came about. Well of course her father had to die. That hit me for some reason, it made me feel bad.
That made me think of my father and how much I wish he was here again.
How much I miss him and would love to see him, hear him, just be stupid again with him.

I would give anything to see him again....even for 5 minutes. Just enough time to have a drink, a beer with him.

Well what can you do. I'll never know what happened, why it happened or anything.

To sum it all up, I fucking miss my dad, I'm sad because of Todd and Hellsing trggered some but it's a good short series.

Yu