The last day of happiness.

Today is the day I never thought would come. Fiancee left me, I can not talk to him or have any sort of contact with him until tomorrow, which means not until wednesday or saturday because I work. I do not know how I am going to handle this. So far it is not so well, I am so hurt and lost feeling right now. I can actually say that I am almost as hurt as how I felt when my father died. Lonely, lost, depressed, you feel like nothing. I can not even explain how I feel right now, no words that I know now can decribe this horrible pain I feel. I do not know what he feels, he will not communicate with me. I honestly do not understand what this is and if I do talk to him tomorrow I will not be focused like I am today. It will feel like nothing, a day. I can not give him what he wants and when I do it seems to be not good enough, or if I take advice I did not proceed through it right. I can not win, I can not meet half way in his eyes. I can not show him that this healing of mine is going to take a lot of time and now that I am motivated and doing something to better myself and better us, it's like nothing. I understand this is almost 9 months later but I can not just change over night, I could not change in these past 8 months. I do understand that he will truely never know what I am feeling, loosing my father. I do know he has been there for me 100 percent, every moment I needed something he was there. I know I did take a lot out on him and I do appoligize. I have apologized many times. This is something I have been trying to fix. I can not understand why I can not make him 100 percent happy, this may be because no one is perfect. I do hope I can at least understand this decision he has made that way I can learn to cope or deal with this.