Random.

I’m on my way to work today and I see a black Chevy Impala, with blinking lights. I look over and it’s a cop that had pulled over a car on the freeway. What the hell man! Now they have brand new impala’s to mob around to pull you over in. Actually I remember seeing a older faded green ford thunderbird on the interstate, it was the main police car you would see pulling over cars on that freeway. I was shocked to see an early 90’s busted up car rolling down the road being able to do that, stupid cops. Well the beer festival is this Saturday, I hope it’s fun. Amatsu, Andy and Mexico said it was fun, they got flashed and got a pic of some random chicks boobs! The some guy and the gila monster band people that Andy and Amatsu liked, they’re some blues band I think. Amatsu bought the cd but I don’t know if he still listens to it. So I kinda made Andy come all the way back from New Mexico to go to the beer festival with us. I know he’s not upset about it but man I’m a butt for telling him he had to.
My team name at work is the big dogs, nice name huh? The picture on our reserved seat signs are two pit bulls!! I need to print out a pic of Jixer, that stupid ass needy smelly deg! I love my dog but man is she annoying some times. She is so pretty especially when she’s outside in the sun. I was able to jack, hee hee hee jack, Amatsu’s camera the other day to record Jack and Jixer playing out side. They were outside playing in the grass like normal and Jack picked up the Frisbee, well Jixer wanted that Frisbee too. They strated to play tug o war and I was able to get like 1 1/2 to 2 minutes of it. It was awesome. When colby's computer comes back I'll be able to upload it to the hard drive to keep. I managed to fill his 256 memory card, Opps. That's what it's for right.
So I’m on a call at work and I get an email of are you hungry? I say not really, why? Well no response back, so I continue to work. Well this person is in a culinary class and he used to work third shift in the build I worked in. We all got new schedules last week and he changed shifts, he is now on second shift. Well he would cook and bake for the people on his third shift team all the time, so since I’m the only one around now he let me try a dish. It was rice, chicken, mushrooms, some sort of sauce, garnished with asparagus. I got some salad too, raspberry hazelnut vinaigrette dressing. It looked good but I was stuck on a call when he brought it over. I had to wait like 30 mins until I could eat it but it was good. I had only brought some cheez its, yogurt, shells and meatballs canned chef, oh yeah and a granola bar thing. Well I guess that’s a good amount for the day, I’m gonna get fat if I keep doing this, I really gotta push myself to get to the gym about 3 times a week at least. I need to get back to the gym anyways, I’ve been drinking a bit again, kinda been off and on really.
There is a school girl contest coming up April 23 at Margarita Rocks in Tempe. A friend asked me to enter this contest with her, there is a $500 prize for the winner. I am kinda excited about this, I didn’t think I would be too excited but I am now able to do what the hell I want, so that means we’re gonna get down and dirty. Well I gotta tell you I was always allowed to get with a girl when ever I pleased, but I never felt that was right. I would have to a least have fun in front of Amatsu, or else it would kinda feel like cheating.
I was thinking the other day about what it would be like dating another chick. I don’t think I could do that for very long, I would miss the cock! Hee hee hee…Yes, I love the cock. No really, you can only get so much out of dildos, vibrators and other toys. I just couldn’t get away from that natural hard pounding. Well those of you that know me probably never would guess I would put this down in black and white, but now I kinda have the who gives a shit what I say attitude. I just want to try out saying what I want to say. I was actually doing this with Amatsu not too long ago, now I can understand why he says whatever, whenever. Sometimes he will go over broad but that’s just him.
I want to model someday, I know your thinking, yeah that’s every girls dream. Stand in front of a camera and make money. If I am able to pursue this I want to be able to model wild and crazy. Something, untamed, violent, dark, intimidating, just plain unique. I like Suicide girls website. It is a mass of females showing a creative side, I would not be too into the nude portion myself but something like Masiumi Max, Angelina Jolie, ya know the hot seductive type, but they don’t have try much to be seductive. I am not a wealthy person, I have the normal bills just like you. Unless your Snoop of something, but I highly doubt Snoop is going to be reading my blog. He’s got his bitches and hoes to pimp…..Piiiiimp! Snnoooooooooop! (click, click, click, click…click, click, click, click., *spray can noise* ) Snnoooooooooop! My freaking sister Jill has hung out with Snoop a few times when we lived in Cali. She went to CSULB so she was out there for like the first 24 years of her life. I was only able to stay until I was 12 years old. My dad have gotten a job offer in this stupid state so we moved away. I was so mad at my family when I first moved here, but no I am happy I did. I first learned about rock, grunge, metal and all that stuuuuuff mostly from my friend Jessica at the middle school I started at. I was brought up with my sister Jill, well let’s say that again, I wanted to grow up to be just like Jill. She listens to rap, r&b, and all that crap. Rap is good, rap can be really good, but the other stuff she likes, I don’t really care for. I would have possibly missed out on Nirvana, Bush, Green Day, Marilyn Manson all the good stuff. Then again I could of seen and heard more being in Cali. Oh well I’ll never know, not a big deal.
Sorry too much crack today....arrrrghgsioaksjdftnfhsaoef!!! Yup.

Holes and more holes

Today is a day, nothing special, nothing bad. I did learn how to give Jack his shots. Now I can poke, poke, poke him. Poor poopie dog, I feel so bad that Amatsu has to give him 2 shots every other day, I’m sure he forgets in about an hour though. Amatsu gave Jack a baffers yesterday and man he feels sooo much better. He’s really soft, doesn’t smell like butt, looks better and happy. How can I tell he’s happy? You just can with that dog, he has his bad days, good days, he gets up and down just like us. Suuuuure you say but any one that knows Jack well enough will be able to see this. I also was taught how to measure the dosage, clear the air out where to give him his shots too. I was afraid to give him the shot because I have a fear of having air in the syringe, that really scares me.
Last night I went to Liquid Karma to get a piercing. Dar got a helix piercing (cartilage). It is the high point on the top of your ear, she got a hoop through it.
I wasn’t positive if I was going to get the piercing because Pete wasn’t there but then I asked about the 2 point and 3 point piercing. The 2 point is actually called an orbital and the 3 point or more is called an industrial piercing, I did not know that. Then I decided to get an orbital piercing as the piercing guy called it and then he says that he just used the last bar bell earlier and their other shop was out too. So needless to say I did not get pierced. I will probably go back to the shop this weekend to at least get an idea of what the cost of the tattoo I want to get. Pete does some good work. I was going to try and go to the same guy who did the two tattoos on my father but it doesn’t look like he still works at Living Canvas anymore, so Pete it is. I told Colby I am dragging him with me when I go, he wants to tattoo in his back too, but he wants to add more piercings along with that. Working overtime kinda sucks but I guess it keeps my mind of things.

Today.

Today is a day, nothing special, nothing bad. I did learn how to give Jack his shots. Now I can poke, poke, poke him. Poor poopie dog, I feel so bad that Colby has to give him 2 shots every other day, I’m sure he forgets in about an hour though. Colby gave Jack a baffers yesterday and man he feels sooo much better. He’s really soft, doesn’t smell like butt, looks better and happy. How can I tell he’s happy? You just can with that dog, he has his bad days, good days, he gets up and down just like us. Suuuuure you say but any one that knows Jack well enough will be able to see this. I also was taught how to measure the dosage, clear the air out where to give him his shots too. I was afraid to give him the shot because I have a fear of having air in the syringe, that really scares me.
Last night I went to Liquid Karma to get a piercing. Dar got a helix piercing (cartilage). It is the high point on the top of your ear, she got a hoop through it.
I wasn’t positive if I was going to get the piercing because Pete wasn’t there but then I asked about the 2 point and 3 point piercing. The 2 point is actually called an orbital and the 3 point or more is called an industrial piercing, I did not know that. Then I decided to get an orbital piercing as the piercing guy called it and then he says that he just used the last bar bell earlier and their other shop was out too. So needless to say I did not get pierced. I will probably go back to the shop this weekend to at least get an idea of what the cost of the tattoo I want to get. Pete does some good work. I was going to try and go to the same guy who did the two tattoos on my father but it doesn’t look like he still works at Living Canvas anymore, so Pete it is. I told Colby I am dragging him with me when I go, he wants to tattoo in his back too, but he wants to add more piercings along with that.
Man these chairs at work suck so hard, my back is starting to kill me. I have not been sleeping much these days and I think it might be catching up to me now. I might have to take a nap tomorrow or something. I actually get my own cube now, wow. My own 4x4x4 peice of space to call home. Since i'm there about 12 hours a day, it really is my home now. That's sad, I just hope my paychecks show for them.
Well I got this link the other day I think it's fun, it passes the time so that's all that matters.
You might give it a shot....ya a shot on the eye! Ewww sperm!
ok here,
http://www.planearium2.de/
http://www.planearium2.de/flash/spstudio.html
The first link is a home page, the second link is the one I've played with so far.

When ever you try to get a head something always happens...

I have been working a crap load of over time with my new job lately and I'm thinking, cool now I can actually save up some money for myself. Maybe even buy that eliminator kit for my motorcyle to get rid of that hiddious license plate plastic thing, it like a house under my seat.

So I purchased health insurance yesterday and man that shit is expensive. From what everyone is telling me it’s not a bad price but I’ve just never had to pay for it until now, so it seems expensive. This will not take effect until next month but I will be able to use Cigna Healthcare facilities. I am so happy about this. When I was under my parents policy I used Cigna, the place is like 5 miles from my house. I have all my medical records on file there so it works out great. When I get comfortable with something I hate when it changes, basically when I like something I don’t want to loose that.
I (kinda) fixed my door, I fixed my door, I fixed my door!! I am now able to close my door, can you believe it? It latches now….but, I can not get the actuator to trigger to open the damn thing. I swear this car hates me sometimes. I can’t just go and jump on my bike now cause lovely American Family decided to drop me from the insurance. They say if you own a sport bike, you have to have at least 5 year experience for them to able to insure you. What crap! How are you supposed to get the 5 years if your not insured? I’ll just have to call Progessive Insurance since they know what a sissy bar and a bent fork are. ;)

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

The last day of happiness.

Today is the day I never thought would come. Fiancee left me, I can not talk to him or have any sort of contact with him until tomorrow, which means not until wednesday or saturday because I work. I do not know how I am going to handle this. So far it is not so well, I am so hurt and lost feeling right now. I can actually say that I am almost as hurt as how I felt when my father died. Lonely, lost, depressed, you feel like nothing. I can not even explain how I feel right now, no words that I know now can decribe this horrible pain I feel. I do not know what he feels, he will not communicate with me. I honestly do not understand what this is and if I do talk to him tomorrow I will not be focused like I am today. It will feel like nothing, a day. I can not give him what he wants and when I do it seems to be not good enough, or if I take advice I did not proceed through it right. I can not win, I can not meet half way in his eyes. I can not show him that this healing of mine is going to take a lot of time and now that I am motivated and doing something to better myself and better us, it's like nothing. I understand this is almost 9 months later but I can not just change over night, I could not change in these past 8 months. I do understand that he will truely never know what I am feeling, loosing my father. I do know he has been there for me 100 percent, every moment I needed something he was there. I know I did take a lot out on him and I do appoligize. I have apologized many times. This is something I have been trying to fix. I can not understand why I can not make him 100 percent happy, this may be because no one is perfect. I do hope I can at least understand this decision he has made that way I can learn to cope or deal with this.

Yaaa Friday!!

Well no drinking for me last night, it was too late and not much alcohol at the house anyway. Today is not bad, so far I have seen 3 friends I normally don’t see often and fiancée is bringing me may badge cause I’m an IDIOT and left in my motorcycle jacket. I took fiancées car today cause it might rain after midnight tonight. He’s headed over now, he’s such a butt! He is now working midnight to 11am with Friday, Saturday, Sunday off! Jerk I tell you, Jerk! No, not really just lucky is all. I would like to work 4 ten’s, hell I’m working 5 twelve’s now.
Well geeez, now I don’t know if I am going to be receiving a paycheck today because of the stupid temp agency I currently work for. This damn lady that passes out our paychecks did not even attempt to come over to our side of the building. I wondered around asked the important people and nothing. So I was told to send her an email, so I did. Now the outcome of this is….no money! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, people.
Holy shit! Ha! I just got a text message from fiancée saying, Connect the dots! You jerk! Ha ha ha, that’s great! Can’t stop laughing! Once before we were drinking and I asked him if I could connect the dots on him, meaning get a marker and connect his freckles. He finally said yes so I grab a marker and went at it on his back. He doesn’t have a ton which made it better. The outcome was incredibly funny, I wish we had a camera at the time. I looked at this shape on his back and realized I saw a coyote. I went back to work, added the facial features ears, stupid bandana around the neck. Then I thought it would be funny to add poop under it’s butt because the butt was a little raise up. So I did. I really do wish I had a camera that time because I could not replicate it for the life of me. I just came out with some weird shape, nothing came of that. I was not excited this time.
Tomorrow is Formula 1 Indy Car races!! We also get to see motorcross events and Velvet Revolver, that’s should be awesome. Vrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooommmm!!
I wish I could bring in nail polish or something to keep me busy. I have a few things to read but I can not soak up all of the reading when I can read for 5-10 minutes at a time.
I am thinking of releasing my blog to my friends so they have something to read when they are bored but I don’t know yet. I guess I’m concerned bout offending anybody but hey this is a way for me to express myself so you all have to understand this. On that note, I hate you.

Happy Beer Day!

So it’s St. Patrick’s Day and I’m stuck at work until midnight. Technically it will not be St. Patties Day anymore. Booooo!
On my way to work today I saw freaking Honda Ridgeline. I’m not so sure about his thing yet. It has no originality for being Honda’s first truck, check it out. http://automobiles.honda.com/models/model_overview.asp?ModelName=Ridgeline&bhcp=1&BrowserDetected=True
I mean it looks like a Chevy Avalanche, a Honda Pilot front end with a Toyota feel to it. Come on Honda could of way better than that being this is their first pick up truck. Well at least I think so.
My fiancée and our friend is at the Tempe Block Party for St. Patricks Day. I went to pick up fiancée and our friend at Ra Sushi, well I find them and they decide to leave cause it was almost quitting time and they were nice and lit. So I tell them (not thinking probably) Ok guys lets cross the street and try not to get hit. Our friend say ok…wait not get hit? That’s no fun. I say, Oh ok, well then let’s try to cross the street and jump on the cars. Ready go! So our friend crosses the street. Fiancee starts to cross after and a van is coming down the street, but the van doesn’t look like he wants to stop. Fiancee is not moving very fast so I say hey a van is coming. Well the van did get very close to him as he crossed to the median, I think too close for comfort. Then my turn came, I got to the median and 2 girls in a car honked, I’m not sure that it was intended for me but I looked at them, made a ‘what do want’ face and then sarcastically waived. So fiancée sees this and starts to walk back towards the passing car and yells, Fuck You!! I say, hey just 2 girls who cares? He says, Fuck them! He seemed to be offended or something. Then says, I love being drunk in public! Then we walk to the car to drive home. That was funny to see, almost kinda sweet in a way to the fiancée trying to protect me even though he is belligerent at that moment, or he just wanted to fight.

Racing

It really does annoy me when I see these stupid people rolling around in their buckets thinking the can go fast. I had a V6 mustang try to race me on my bike! What an idiot. Those stupid kids and there busted up Honda’s. Half of these kids think ok, I’ll get and exhaust tip and blue color head lights, ugly graphics kit and a aluminum spoiler that is 10 times too big for the car. Then they go out with there 90 horsepower car and try to race. Gosh I hate those people! That give people like me a bad name. I'm more focused on making my car look good rather than go too fast. That's why I got a bike.
My bikes name is Kitty and my cars name is Spike, like Spike from the anime Cowboy Bebop. That's such a good series! I think it is easier when you want to talk about your car to just name it, instead of my car this, my car that. Ya know?
It really does annoy me when I see these stupid people rolling around in their buckets thinking the can go fast. I had a V6 mustang try to race me on my bike! What an idiot. Actually a 05 I think C5 Corvette was trying to toy with me last night on my way home. I know better than that, I've seen this guy on the freeway before, the other day on my way to work actually. It's black and his plate says 'no u cnt' on it. So from that I got the hint. Fast car though, I just hate cocky people like that, I tell them take it to the track.

I was attending school for Associates in auto mechanics and I was supposed to go back to start on my Japanese. I love the language it is so unique. If I could I want to learn, Italian, Japanese, and German.

Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo...what does this button do?!

I brought my lunch again today and man, do I need pickles! I had a sandwich Saturday, sunday and today, now I’m dying for a pickle to go with. I love pickles! I used to make a bowl of cottage cheese, cut up tomatoes, cut up pickles, little bit of salt, pepper and just eat it. To some that sounds so grrrross, but I loved it. I don’t think I ever have two or more of the ingredients at a time. Like, cereal but no milk, salad but no dressing, ya know the usual. Cycle gear has a coupon for 20% of any single item. That’s pretty good if you have the money to buy the gear. Riding gear is fun, it’s simple yet can be different. I love socks! I hate my feet, so I make it fun for me by buying crazy socks. I don’t think I have bought a single white sock in like 3 years. The last pair of socks my mom got me were black ankle socks, my mom even knows to get me different socks. I think my thing is stars, kitties, dragons, black, blue, my finance-me, and jack me hoff. Jack is soooo cute, the cutest pit bull lap dog ever!
My new friend is thinking about learning how to ride a motorcycle. She is very small, about 5’2, probably 90-100 lbs. I think it would be great for her and she does not have a car. I gave some advise on what is out there and roughly cost.
So this lady I was just helping had 563 pages of email! They were dated back to January 2003. Who in there right mind would keep mail that old?
So I want to do so much these days…..
One, I absolutely need to get my ass back to the gym. I took a long walk on Sunday and my legs were sore and tight the next day, that’s sad for me. It gave me some motivation to go back but with working 55 hours a week with split days off doesn’t help at all.
Well I just found out earlier that my manager told this guy I went to training with that him and I are the top two out of the training class. Wow, that's really cool to hear, since this job is new to me. My tummy hurts and I want to fuck my fiancee, but he's at work, so bye.

New friend

Today I am at work and I’m full of complaints, I don’t want to be here, I’m in a different building which sucks balls, it’s unbelievable hot here. I am a bit hung over still so it’s making me feel like poo! I do feel like I want to puke.
So last night my fiancée and I could not remember going to sleep. I do remember that I had an awesome night though. It started with a big champagne bottle of Heineken , then a good can of Sapporo, which lead me to want to play pool. So we played and we got to strip pool. Hmmmm I wonder who’s idea that was? I won the first game so I got to see two articles of clothing come off. Then two fat tire bottles later, I lost then I won the next. By this time all I had off was my shirt and slippers and fiancée is walking around in his boxers. Ha- ha! Then the rest is in the past, or maybe future…
Today I took my lunch and went outside. Wow was it nice out, I won’t be saying that in a couple of months though. Well a guy that knows my room mate asks me to tell her to watch ghost in the shell so he can have it back, then goes away. Then this new girl friend that I made comes over and sits down to ask if I know that guy I was just talking to. I say he knows my room mate. She informed me that he is bad news, basically she showed no interest in him and was a bitch to him so he threatened to get her fired. I said geez, that’s real nice. She says, I just wanted you to know that and he’s the girl hungry type….and you’re a pretty one. Then she kinda smiles and walks away. Was I just hit on indirectly or am I just thinking that?
Now I know this is going to sound funny but that made me smile and I said ‘thanks’ as she walked away. I’m normally pretty timid when making friends so I don’t say too much at first. I don’t think too highly of myself and that actually made me feel better, coming from a chick that is pretty cute herself.

Work is boring today.

So I am so bored that I have resorted to writing in my blog. Well today is jean day, woop-pie! What a lame thing to look forward to on a Friday when your stuck at work until midnight. At least I am comfortable, if I wanted to go out after this I would actually feel comfortable doing so and not feel like and idiot. Sorry this blog is not so funny, I’ll have to work on my jokes.
So, why did the turtle cross the road?
I let you think about that for a while and give you the answer later. There is this guy that is sitting in the cube next to me and is soo annoying. He just gets up for no reason and walks around saying is everything ok? He’s done this like 5 times in an hour. He’ll get up and talk to the guy on the other side of me and talk about nothing. He acts like a manager but does not know anything.
Well I guess this is something that popped in my head because I am really bored at work on a Friday with 15-20 minutes between calls. So I’m thinking about my blog, and then about you sitting at home, doing absolutely nothing. Then I get this thought of, why did he tell me to become friends with her if I was never going to really ‘be friends’? We never hang out, never really talk, we don’t do anything together. What happened? I know we were getting cool, starting to be friends and hang out. Well now look at this picture. I’m at work, hes at home, shes at our home, him and her always email each other, he visits her, another guy friend and whoever for lunch, I work late hours and never see anybody. I don’t know what I am doing wrong now. I can’t make friends and when I try they like him. I am not so much jealous or mad, just confused I guess. I do not understand. I feel that I do not appeal to anyone anymore and even when I do make the effort, multiple times, I seem to be shot down. This almost seems pointless but yet I think about how I just go to work and do not socialize beyond work now, it’s kinda sad. This is not to cause drama or make anybody angry, this is just what I am thinking.
I understand “there are more fish in the sea”, this meaning friends, but I just don’t get it.
What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing?
Well I think I am going to finally get an industrial piercing in my left ear on Saturday. I got a few extra bucks on this paycheck and I think this will hold me over until I can finish drawing my tattoo for my back to be able to get that done. I eventually plan to get some sort of corset piercing on my back also.
Oh, oh, oh, I finally was able to buy my mary jane shoes, since my room mate bought a pair of mary jane shoes with STARS cut outs after I had mentioned that when I got some extra cash I planned on buying them. Well I bought kitty mary janes! They are black with white stitching as the out line of the kitty’s head and tail. Then it has white eyes, black pupils, little white nose and white inside the ears. I think these are my new favorite shoes. I like them so much I almost want to buy another so when these wear out I have another pair to wear.
Break time bieeee-itches!

Bombs away!

So i'm at work it's like 1am and my eyes are starting to dry out. I get an email saying my fiancee is getting weird stars from his manager, so I told him to pick his nose. He does it. He said she got so grossed out, i laughed and said awesome. He said " Oh I raised the eyebrow and everything.. looked like I was trying to do a rubix cube in my nostril."
Come on now you can't tell that's funny. This working late nights thing is kinda cool, I don't do much. I think I've had too much sugar, my teeth and tongue feel funny. Too....much...sugar!
No...more....pie! So now I can't put a background on my desktop at work, they locked us all out so now I have to stare at this stupis blue background, at least it's blue I guess. I can't wait for the beer festival to come around...Wait! What the hell am I saying, I'M GOING TO NIN!!!!!!
The four of us are going. I've never seen Trent live I'm so excited, I think i'm getting horny. Then coming up is Indy car, motorcross and velvet revolver all in one place! What more could you ask for? The hot chicks will probably be there and yes the beer too. So Indy-moto-velet, beer festival, NIN!!, then umm, then....ahh, something.
So ho-kay, I need to get my tattoo done already. I've put this off for way too long.

First Day.

Well today was the first, technically yesterday, was the first day of my new shift. I am allowed up to 12 per day to work because of the unlimited OT but I only took up 10 and 1/2 hours today. I think this will help me out a lot, I will be able to pay bills with less stress now. I am going to have to get used to getting off work at midnight meow and try to sleep sometime. Today is also a friends birthday, yaaa 22 years of hell for that guy. Meow! I don't feel so good though, I feel like I'm going to puke. I've had this feeling since my mom picked me up from work. I think I got car sick. I normally drive to work myself but today it was raining so I could not ride my motorcyle to work and meow stupid car is still not fixed!! This has got to get fixed soon. My car has been sitting for like 2 weeks now, I should probably just start it up tommorrow. Meow think so?
I wonder if this is just being a bit fatigue? This sucks man I really do feel like poo. Ok I guess i'll go pass out now with my two dumb dogs! Ah man one of them just ripped one! I fucking stinks baaaaaad. Later...MEOW!!

Lost

How can you choose a path when your lost
So cold and dark there is no right way
You feel the way your headed it so wrong
But will this free me
Will this entrap me
This all looks so much the same to me
Have I been here before
Is this all a dream
Is this really a path to happiness
A path to joy and ecstasy
Will this make me happy
Or will I just die off
By myself all I see is the same
Ever where I look
All I see is hate
Is this for me
Is this from me
How will I ever know
Know where to go
Loosing all you know
Feeling so fatigue
Is this draining me down
Will this ever end
Burning up inside like a meteor crashing down
Like a shooting star
The north star
Shall this provide guidance
Will I ever be free of this cage
Hurts like rose thorns for a bed
I think I see light
Will this lead me away
Away from all
All that I love or with this reunite
Everything I care about
Seems to fade away
How do I stop this pain and emptiness
My tears flow like a river drowning me slowly
I hurt like a battle
A battle of knives through my heart
Still I wonder aimlessly
Losing energy
Losing the fight
Will I be saved
Will I be found
Pinned to the ground
All my life drained
Should of spoke out
Should of said what I ment
Should of let some one know where I was headed
Now all alone
As I walk this path will I find
The way back before I loose
Loose all that I ever had…..

Lucky Me.

What do you do when your stuck in the rain without an umbrella right in the center of a big puddle of water?

Well today is better that the last . I can say that my job was not so hectic today, yup that’s about it. I don’t even feel like I think anymore. My mind is so strained it hurts.

So my motorcycle is making a weird ticking rattling noise. I’m no sure what it is though, I’m hoping it’s not a valve problem. I know the bike is still under warranty but just having to deal with all of that bullshit of making an appointment, and then after you drop it off it’s like your on call for work. You can do too much that day cause if its ready early then you want to go get the damn thing.

So I went to cali a few weeks ago, I wish it was for leisure. Nope, this trip was for my nana, she passed away in January. She wished to have her body donated to science so we had to wait for what ever they weren’t going to use to get her ashes back. That was weird to see, a dead persons ashes. I had never seen them before, almost didn’t look real. It was like a pile of normal ashes but a little lighter than normal, plus little chucks and pieces of bone fragments.

Anyway the day before I leave I go to meet my better half for lunch. As we go to leave I walk up to my car like normal and pop my door open. I have a shaved car, so no door handles, roof rain drain lines, no trunk license plate area…you get the jist. Well I get in my car shut the door and it doesn’t fucking shut. I’m sitting there thinking no way my door didn't shut, it always shuts. Nope not today my friend. Then it starts to rain again. There I am wondering how I’m going to get back to work then have to park my car for another 4 hours. So my better half turns around looks at it and says, well that’s not gonna close. So needless to say I was pretty sure that I was not going to California. Well that next day one of my friends told my boyfriend to take her car. She’s out of town and her car is already parked at our house. So after thinking about this and being told if I don’t take it I’m getting my ass kicked, I went on my way. The worst storm cali has seen in years decides to come down as I drive and while I’m there. No biggie though, I enjoyed it. Oh yeah I still owe her a car wash and interior clean up too.…
How do you complete a puzzle when half the pieces are gone?

Yup.

So I don't care what you think.

So today has sucked major balls and a half but what cha gonna do right? I hope the future years to come are a hell of a lot better than this past year AND the beginning of this year. I have so much on my mind and so much to do. So much i've been through and so much i'm going through. Will this crap ever end.? Probably not is my guess. I just hope I at least get a break or something, this bad luck stuff is killing me.
Well ok maybe I do care just a little bit, I happen to know some one that uses this blogger and I hope I don't upset this person by creating an account. I was told by this person and others to create a blog so I sure did. I can always go away, go away like booger being flicked in the wind.

Disclaimer

Well first and formost, this is new to me. I’ve always been on the other side. This is almost like stage fright….. minus the stage I guess. So what about me, what about me. Well I wish my dumb ass was back in school again. I miss the wrenching even though I have a handful to wrench on at my house too. It’s never fun when you have to fix your own things unless it a cool little project car or something. You get the drift.